well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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