cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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