My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
