It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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