this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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