how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
