i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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