My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
where are you?
Hypothermia
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
