You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
