i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
