I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
