Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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