I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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