Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
