so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You are a genius and a whore.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
