I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
