Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
