remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
