Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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