that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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