You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
