All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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