worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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