can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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