Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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