just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
