I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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