I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
