when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
