My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
