Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
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Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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