got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
