I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
