Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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