Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
