can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
