I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
