My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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