currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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