so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
