matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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