I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
