i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize