do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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