According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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