I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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