shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
