Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
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alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
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your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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