its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
