Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
