im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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