Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
