Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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