Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
