we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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