You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
