We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
