It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
