My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
