Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
