her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
