i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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