If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
