I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
