Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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