jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
