Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
worst night to have a conscience
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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