Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
