Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the day after is always just damage control
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
