Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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