i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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