can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
