Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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