You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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