I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
