I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
