Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
