dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
