i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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