Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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