i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
