I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
